This poem was written by someone who is very near and dear to my heart. I think she knows me, understands me, and loves me in a way no one else can. She has not given me permission to identify her as the writer but if and when she does I will share that. This is about my journey with Randy during his years of being sick (that is how I and my family refer to these years) and his death. She captured it so vividly. I cannot read this poem without crying and reliving those f

“I think you’re having an identity crisis” my therapist Chad said to me and I knew he was right. I had been trying to figure out who I was and who I could be at this dreaded age of 66. I'd had so many recent changes that it was hard to know. I have had a lot of titles, roles and purposes in life. I was born a daughter to my good parents, in the middle of two brothers. My younger brother was physically and mentally handicapped so I learned at a young age how to be a helper an

Life has been nothing but change for me these last few years. Hard change. The hardest I’ve ever experienced. And there’s going to be a lot more. Yesterday was my last day working for Tulare County Child Welfare Services! Yep, I’m officially retired. It happened much quicker than I planned but there were some incentives that made it worth leaving a couple months sooner. I didn’t have much time to think about it because I was working about 60 hours a week the last 3 weeks to g

This morning at 12:25 am after a long battle with Brain Lymphoma and severe dementia as a result of his treatment. We went on our first date almost 39 years ago and have been married 36 1/2 years. We certainly had our share of ups and downs but he was truly my best friend. He loved me unconditionally and supported me through everything. I have a lot of regrets but I hope to focus instead on the love and memories we shared. We had some great times together, especially the few

I'm always looking for ways to identify what I am going through. This explains it pretty well. The grieving for someone who is still here, but not really here. I keep thinking this is going to get easier over time, but it doesn't. In fact, in many ways it gets more difficult. Every day I miss my husband. Although we had FAR from a perfect relationship, he was my best friend. Once when I had felt betrayed by someone and was very hurt, he said "I'll always have your back." And

This is a picture of me, my cousin Jackie, my best friend Anna, my friend Brenda (who has gone to the dark side and moved to Utah), my friend Dayna, and my other friend also named Dayna (who also moved to Utah - traitors!! :) Recently I came across an article in an LDS (Latter Day Saint/Mormon) magazine titled "When Your Child Doesn't Fit the Mormon Mold." It was from a frustrated mother asking for patience and understanding, who was suggesting some "tips" of how to help tho

I've worked with a lot of police officers in my career. My first all time favorite was Richard House from the Tulare Police Department. When I worked with him as a social worker I thought he was uptight and kind of rude. But when I got the opportunity to work with him as a trainer, I saw another side of him I would have never known; he was witty, warm and an amazing father. My next favorite was Dean Hoover from Hanford Police Department. We got to work together developing pro