The Art of Being a Good Audience Member

"Great theater is about challenging how we think and encouraging us to fantasize about a world we aspire." William DeFoe

I love live theater! It's probably my favorite thing to do! I enjoy all theater from community theater to a professional production. I love it for many different reasons. I love it because it's something Randy and I did together a lot and we made a lot of weekend trips alone or with friends and family to see plays in Sacramento, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Thousand Oaks, and Solvang to name a few. We saw everything from the Shakespeare Festival to the Melodrama. We saw a lot of community plays in our county but we were loyal attendees at Encore Theater in Tulare, probably because we knew a lot of the people in the plays, and we were never disappointed!

I also love the theater because it's a place to escape to. It's leaving your world and going to another one for a couple of hours, or more. I can actually forget about all my worries or concerns while I'm watching a play. Stella Adler said "The play is not in the words, it's in you." That's so true. And it all works wonderfully, except when it doesn't.

I have been annoyed at plays for different reasons throughout the years. I also have misophonia so most sounds or repetitive actions can make me a little crazy. After the last play I attended, Les Miserables (it's about my tenth time seeing it) I said I was going to write a book on Theater Etiquette. Turns out many other people had the same idea. Come to find out there are many books or articles on this very topic. So there goes the book idea and me traveling the world off those book sales. Instead, I'm going to share some of my thoughts and experiences with you. Before I start, nothing here is new or different than most people. I'm going to share some stories of things that have happened and for the sake of my readers not hating me, I'll try and make them a little more lighthearted.

• Don't be late if at all possible. Things happen; there's traffic, your kid threw up as you were walking out of the house or you ended up having to work a little late. I give some grace in that area except when someone is very late and has to walk through a row of people to get to their seats. I would prefer people just watch it from the side or find some empty seats in the balcony, if there is one, until intermission. It's super distracting to me, especially when it's in the middle of a good scene only to be ruined by two butts in my face as people are scooting by. As I said, I understand the running late to the show. When we went to see Les Miserables there were a few couples that were late in our specific area. But then one couple was late coming back from the 15-minute intermission. I thought "you're kidding me!" People were gracious when they were late to the play, but I think the graciousness went by the wayside when they were late after intermission. Maybe they didn't hit traffic or have a sick kid and were just late! Cause they're people that are late!

  
  

• Probably the most common one is don't talk during the play! Ok, we all have to whisper something to our family or friends we are with, "that was so good!" or "can you pass me my purse?" But the ongoing talking in the voice level of normal talking is insane! I really don't get it! I have a friend in California who is in a lot of community plays, she's quite talented. She was in a play at the local Junior College, and I wanted to go to support her. My husband and our good friends went with me. There was a group of students a couple of rows behind us. They had their notebooks out so I'm assuming they were there as an assignment in one of their classes. They most likely had no interest in this play. They started early on talking amongst themselves just like they were having a conversation in the hallway between classes. I started off by glaring at them. The message in my eyes was "do you mind?" That sometimes works but not always. They saw me, trust me. But the talking went on and on. I know most people would just let it go, but I wanted to hear the play, and not them. I got up, probably to the cringe of my husband and friends, walked the couple rows back and bent over and whispered as calmly as I could, "I know you guys probably don't want to be here, but I do. I have a friend in this play and your ongoing talking is really distracting. I'm asking you to please stop and if you're not willing to do that, I'll get an usher." They were probably thinking "Yes! Do it! Get an usher so we have a valid reason to leave!" They actually stopped talking or at least did it as a whisper. I really hate doing that, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

  
  

  At the Les Miserables play there were three young girls behind us, and they were looking at the program and talking, again loudly as if they were the only people there. We waited awhile and then my daughter leaned back and tapped one on the knee and nicely said "do you guys mind whispering?" The girl she tapped just stared as if in shock but one of the others mumbled "what a bitch." As if, how dare us ask them to stop talking so we can enjoy this play that we are sitting outside in 100-degree weather to watch, a play we paid $100 + a ticket to see and one of my top two favorites. If that constitutes being a bitch, then so be it. They shut up and us bitches got to enjoy the show.

• One other tidbit: if you're going to see a play that may be complicated or overwhelming, read about it first. The first time I saw Phantom of the Opera I was so lost, I didn't know what was happening. It's still complicating but I at least understand it and really love it. Watching the movie helped and Gerard Butler does make one sexy Phantom! When my youngest daughter and her husband were in NYC they texted and said, "we are in line to see Phantom!" I was excited for them but said "you should have read about it before, so you understand what is happening." So, they pulled it up on their phones while in line and read an overview of the play. And they were not confused and absolutely loved it. It took me more than once to understand it, but they're younger and have fresher brains! How does this play into talking; well, if you don't understand you're going to spend some time asking questions, which constitutes talking.

• When I said in one of my posts that I was going to write this "book" a young gal I've known her whole life said, "don't go to the theater dressed like a slob." I had to laugh. I am a people watcher so I do take note of what people wear but it doesn't particularly bother me. I'm too consumed by the noise. There is such a wide range of things to wear. With community theater, I say anything goes. But at a Broadway type production and theater, I think the short shorts and tank top could be a little underdressed. At those productions, you may also see men wearing a suit and tie and women wearing dressy dresses with even a fur coat and a clutch purse, and everything in-between. I tend to overdress sometimes for community plays and probably somewhere in the middle with professional productions, except when it's in an outside theater in 100-degree weather, where the short shorts and tank top are warranted. So, I think my sweet friend means this as a thing of courtesy and respect. Personally, if I'm paying $100+ for a ticket I'm most likely going to wear something nice; but nice to me may be underdressed to some. Like everything in life, use good judgment.

• Those are my primary ones. Not too bad! But when I started reading other articles and comments about this, I came across a lot more and with many I said to myself "oh yeah! That's so rude or annoying too. Thanks for reminding me!" Things like don't eat your food loudly or unwrap candy or cough drops that make a lot of noise. (I haven't had too much of an issue with this one, but it definitely tops my list for movie annoyances.) There was the obvious one of turn off your cell phones. I listened to a Broadway actress talk about this and she said the actors hear everything and nothing is worse than in the middle of a scene someone's phone goes off. Yikes! If I'm annoyed, can you imagine how that affects them? When I was at a community play a while ago, where there are seats on each side of the stage a guy directly across from me had his phone out to look at the program, using the light on the phone to see. He might as well have had a flashlight in my eyes. I think when they ask people to put their phones away, they mean away - as if out of sight, not in reach, where no one else can see it either. It's actually a nice break from your phone if you're as attached to one as I am. The last one worth mentioning is if it's a musical, don't sing out loud. For example, I came to hear Jean Valjean sing, not the 60 year old man sitting next to me who can't carry a tune. I know, it's so exciting when you know and love a song so much that you just have to sing it out loud. But you really don't. Just mouth the words and sing them in your heart. People will love you so much more for that. On a more positive note, if the play is funny the actors want you to LAUGH! If no one is laughing, they think the play is not going well! So, don't talk or sing, but do laugh!

• Well, if that list doesn't make me sound like a crotchety old lady, I don't know what will. The honest truth is this list of things has annoyed me for decades, not just since I became "this old." I'll end this the same way I started it. In spite of all these things, I love live theater more than anything else!

"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players." Shakespeare