Empathy - to step outside your own emotions and see through the eyes of another, listen with the ears of another, and feel with the heart of another

I think empathy is harder than we realize. When people are so different from us (ethnicity, religion, political party, sexual orientation, social class, etc.) I think we often are not able to feel empathy for them. In the last year I have had family and friends vehemently oppose or challenge me because they did not agree with me or understand my empathy to the point of saying “they deserved what they got” and “they shouldn’t be here” all because someone was born under different circumstances or believed differently than them. Some of these people claim a strong belief in Christ which to me is contrary to what he taught and his example. I’ve actually lost a relationship with a couple of people and have noticed others not liking or commenting on any of my posts (when prior to my “controversial” post was an almost daily thing for years.  Doesn't take a lot to get what that is about). Apparently opposing one of my posts warrants not acknowledging any of my other posts, even if they’re about my grandkids or pickleball. Go figure. I am 💯 sure I have done this with others so I’m not claiming I’m perfect with this issue but I try really hard not to exclude any person because they think differently than I do.

I have posted two political posts in my life…..one was in favor of Trump during his first Presidency and one was about the killing of Alex Pretti by ICE. Both resulted in huge push back by others. I told myself that I was never going to do that again but I realized I can’t promise that because if people oppose me, delete me on social media or as a friend/family then I don’t think we ever were really friends in the first place. Not standing up for what I believe is right feels like a betrayal to those whose lives are affected by others. I also experienced this when I strongly voiced my opinion about sexual abuse victims in the LDS church. I was deleted by many for that. I spent 30 years advocating for victims of sexual abuse. To not voice my opinion about how things are handled within an organization felt like a betrayal to all victims and made me feel like a huge hypocrite. Others saw it as a betrayal to my church which bothered me for a long time. But not anymore. I won’t be held prisoner by others who may disagree so strongly that they delete me on social media or in their lives.

I do not always understand others life circumstances or choices but I can strive to feel empathy for them. An example of this was when my husband died. Most people did not know what it feIt like to lose a spouse but they stood “with me” and offered love and support. Some others said “I’m sorry” and that was it. They never acknowledged it again or asked how I was doing. I knew it was because they weren’t able to understand how that loss felt and it may have been too sad to talk about it. It’s a hard thing and I understand that. But it’s a doable thing. Also, I can oppose others choices if it causes harm to others. Those are two different things. An example of this is if an illegal immigrant commits a violent crime of course I believe they should be deported. But a man who has been here for 40 years, raised a family and has children in med school and pursuing other worthwhile paths, has absolutely never committed a crime or even had a traffic ticket, but for whatever reason never completed his citizenship, deporting him seems so unnecessary, unreasonable, and inhumane.

I’m a social worker and once a social worker, always a social worker. I believe in Christ and his teachings which says “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” I taught my children from an early age to love others, all others, and to be an advocate for those less fortunate, who are different from us, whose voices aren’t always heard. I failed in so many ways as a parent but I succeeded in this. They stand for any and all of those who are different but deserve to be seen and heard. This quote (not posted here) pushed all those thoughts and feelings I’ve been having to the surface. My hope is that we, including myself, are all keenly aware of our biases and strive to feel “with others” while developing stronger empathy.