DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME!

I HATE that I don’t have a husband for many reasons but today it’s about feeling like every time someone is servicing something, selling me something (other than my realtor and the guy who sold both Erin and I our cars), or giving financial resources or advice, they are taking advantage of the fact that I’m a widow, alone, without a man to accompany or support me with these decisions. And it makes me mad!!! There may be times this is not their intent but I go with my gut and that’s what my gut is usually telling me, backed up with some sound theories I won’t bore you with.

Anyone see the movie The Amateur? It’s really good. But it’s based on a man being underestimated. At the end when he’s told all the things they know he can’t do he says something to the effect of “did you ever think of the things I’m good at?” which is followed by something big; I won’t say specifically for those who haven’t seen it. But that’s what I want to say to these people. You’re underestimating me. You see an aging widow who probably doesn’t know what the heck you’re talking about or what you’re saying I need, and it shows. But you don’t know the things I’m good at….that I rarely make a decision on the spot. I research the heck out of everything while my daughter Erin is doing the same, only better. I have no problem saying no. Or “I need some time to think about it.” Or “I’m going to consult with my son in law and I’ll get back to you.” And if I don’t feel good about it, telling you no is not hard for me.

They don’t know that I had a career, and an awesome one at that. That during my career I was an investigator. I wrote and reviewed hundreds of court reports to convince the court that the decision made, followed by a recommendation, was in the best interest of the child(ren) and based on laws and regulations. I made decisions that affected families for the rest of their lives (not easy by the way). They don't know that I, by the lead of my director, and with my peers and all the staff, started programs to service those with or at risk of a mental illness; this was done with millions of dollars but “we built the plane as we were flying it” and there were so many decisions to be made on a daily basis, so telling you no is not hard for me.

They don't know that I advocated for my husband to get the best treatment and services to deal with his brain cancer and the results he lived with from the treatment. This came at the price of having to make many decisions, at the beginning daily, for 5 years. My brain and heart never rested. So telling you no is not hard for me. And for the record, I didn’t do anything that millions of other women haven’t done or could do, with or without a husband. And my difficult decisions don’t even measure close to those made by so many women in the world, including those who have no power to make decisions. My point is, just like The Amateur…. don’t underestimate me, cause you don’t know the things I’m good at. And if you haven’t seen The Amateur, do it! It’s so good.